When I think of a feminist I think about a person who is devoted to proving that women are equal if not better than men and can do anything they want. I believe that this is true. Yes, women are absolutely equal to men. I was never even raised to question that. And yes, women can do anything and have anything we want. But what makes me question if I'm a feminist is that sometimes I question why we want to do EVERYTHING?
I never thought about not working when I was in school. The idea never even crossed my mind that maybe I would not work some day and stay home and raise a family. I thought that I would just work so hard that I would be financially able to have full time care for my kids, make my own hours and I would be able to enjoy my career and a home life. This was the dream that I lived on. Just keep pushing yourself to accomplish everything you can and the rest will fall into place. The idea of raising a family seemed to be so far down the path that it wasn't something to think about at the present time. Even now, I'm married, without a child and there is still only so much that I am able to plan. At some point you just have to let things happen.
But what I do know, is that because our economy is so accustomed to women working, I don't have the option of not. In today's modern world, two incomes are necessary to support a household. Our economy has become so inflated that we can't survive on just one income. Feminism has turned us from being women who CAN work to women to HAVE to work. Now, I know that this rule does not apply to everyone. There are plenty of families in this world that are fortunate enough to survive on one income. Additionally, there are many families that choose to make certain sacrifices in order to keep one parent at home, raising a family.
But I do believe that the majority of the women my age in this country are like me. We went to college, achieved our educational goals, maybe even pursued a graduate degree and have been working and doing what we always dreamed! Right? Somehow though, I don't believe this is what we always dreamed. Maybe I'm just a bitter lawyer, but in pursuing my dream I accumulated such a degree of student debt that it seems impossible for me to stay at home. Even after scholarships, in achieving my dreams I had no choice but to put myself in a financial marriage to lenders before I even had a degree to be able to pay back that debt.
What's interesting, is with the money that will go to paying my student loans each month, I could hire a full time nanny to take care of my non-existent children. Even without my student loans in the picture, the amount of daycare that I will have to pay for to cover my 11+ hour work day will be such a hit to my salary that I might as well stay at home and be a part time dog walker to bring in some extra cash (dog walker has been my secret dream for years now).
At the end of the day, two working parents is a financial pickle. Someone has to take care of your kids and most likely if it's not you, you are going to pay for it. If one person stays home then there might not be enough money coming into the home to survive on, however, if you are both at work, how much daycare is required to cover your work hours? What are you actually bringing home at the end of the year?
The only way it becomes worth it is if you really love your job. Is the dream really what you wanted? You have to go to work every day and love what you are doing. For most of us women who have dreamed of what we could do in our careers, staying at home raising a family is not going to be enough. But if there is so much anxiety and torture involved in your day to day work life then is it really worth it? Or are you in a situation where you have to pay your dues for a few years until you can call your own shots and have the financial freedom to make a schedule that works for you and your family.
I couldn't have the career I do without the education I have received, and debt that came along with that. I also couldn't have the opportunity of having a successful career in the years to come beyond what my children will require for in terms of daily care. But I do question what I will have to give up for those opportunities. Will I be a Mom that is never home? Will I miss all the amazing firsts my kids are going to have? First step? First word? OR, in today's world maybe we really can have it all? Maybe there will be someone at home, taking pictures and video of all those amazing moments so I won't really miss them. Will that be enough? Too optimistic? Maybe. But I might not have another choice, huh?
Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis' recordings were just released a couple weeks ago revealing all her thoughts and opinions just after JFK's assassination. She was an interesting dichotomy of a modern yet traditional woman. She was an educated debutante who had a career as a journalist prior to meeting JFK. She gave up her career during her marriage but then became the First Lady of the United States at the age of 31 with two very young children. She had the image of a traditional housewife and mother, yet she was the First Lady which leaves little time to be a normal mother. In the very early years of her children's lives she missed many moments, however, the legacy she was able to leave to them as an iconic woman who grew to be even more inspirational in the many lives she lived after being the first lady transcends the influence she was able to have directly with her children.
There has been criticism of some of the opinions, or lack thereof, that Jackie expressed in her recordings, saying that she wasn't really a modern woman and that some of what she said showed her to be an anti-feminist. Others say that her opinions were just indicative of a different time and way of thinking. I think that Jackie was a true modern domestic before her time. She was devoted to her husband and children and wanted so badly to be with them. She had the difficult task of balancing a commitment to her family with the amazing opportunities she had as a first lady, forward-thinking woman and cultural icon. She knew she had the opportunity to influence the world and the drive to do so but concurrently did not want to sacrifice her time with her children. Yet, even after both of her husbands passed and she had enough money to be comfortable for the rest of her life, she pursued a career that she was passionate about.
I guess in the end opportunity is everything. We fight for the opportunity to pursue our dreams and lead a fulfilling life regardless of what that might be. Although I still think that sometimes it would be nice to not have to do it all...
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